A New Beginning....

On June 13th, I will be officially divorced. I won't go into the conflicting thoughts and feelings about that here; I've talked to friends, I've talked to my therapist. I know that those conflicts come from being a human being going through a devastating and frightening "chapter." I'm focusing on moving forward, not backward, and that in an of itself is terrifying.

I'm on a little vacation with my family here in Atlanta - god I LOVE this city. Tomorrow we'll be heading down to Pensacola for a much needed beach-fix. Rather, a PRETTY beach-fix - Tybee's beach is a shit hole haha! It's wonderful being with family, being able to actually relax and type down thoughts while contemplating the future, which, despite all that has transpired and is currently transpiring, looks pretty shiny and...dare I say it?? Exciting.

I'm seeing a young man right now - he is absolutely adorable. He is an adventure in and of himself in getting to know. The only thing that darkens this little cloud is the fact I am not quite ready to "commit", "be exclusive", or whatever all you dating types call it. I was married for FIVE YEARS - one doesn't just get over that. And I haven't "dated" in years and years, so there's that painful awkwardness that I have to work through at age 30. I am desperately afraid of getting hurt and also HURTING someone else. I am trying not to fall into anything too quickly because my jaded history has proven it is a sad sad implosion down the road. Or can be. I don't know.
Fortunately this young man has been the coolest ever concerning my situation and my feelings. He too has been knocked around by relationships, and I think we both happen to need the same things - neither of us wants to "fuck up". I feel like I'm a horrible thing that girls tend to be - a "tease" - it was terribly uncomfortable telling him that I did not want to be called his "girlfriend" yet. But I, being of the Fish Sign, tend to build scenarios in my head when everything is usually okay. I am sensitive to a fault, I know, and I tend to dwell on how other people are affected WAY too much. One of the reasons my marriage failed why I was unbelievably unhappy. I need to think of myself more.

So me and Champ are going to see how it goes - nothing more exciting than that? The next great adventure....