Today has been a good day.
It's nice to be able to say that and really mean it. They seem to be few and far between sometimes. But it's been beautiful outside, not too hot, and I've been shredding old papers and filing like a MANIAC. Feels good to "wipe the slate" and start anew. So many beginnings in my life - so many "firsts." Hannah brought over two beautiful goldfish, so now I am a new fish-owner! Let's see -- two fish, three hermit crabs, and two dogs. Life is good ;)
I have a list of goals that I want to implement this summer. The time is good. I've been officially divorced for two full weeks. I had a really great phone chat with David today. The Champ and I are good - he surprises me sometimes, catches me off guard with his honesty and humility. He actually inspires me to become a better person all around, hence the goals. I'm not quite ready to call him my "boyfriend" just yet, but.......I'm not as staunchly against it as I once was. Just need more time - I'm still "keeping my options open," if you would forgive the cliche. I thought I had a couple of options, but they never came to fruition. Everything happens for a reason, though - someOne is pulling the strings up there. Right now I'm just happy to enjoy the ride; he makes me laugh, he's sweet and understanding, and I am actually comfortable communicating with him. Maybe....I can avoid those same mistakes, those same pitfalls that always reared their ugly heads. Maybe I have changed for the better. I'm still suspicious of "The Glow", but he's seen me have a panic attack, seen me cry, witnessed how vulnerable I can be. But I haven't scared him off; and he hasn't used it against me. Champ helps me to feel strong and independent, and I feel like his equal despite the age difference.
Again, hence the goals.
1) exercise more and get back to lifting weights.
2) cut down on the alcohol. Like, almost to nothing - except socially of course.
3).........................the big one.....................................
But you know, I really believe Champ when he says he will help me. I've already decided that the carton of cigarettes he saw me buy will be my last. Of course I'm nervous, and of COURSE I am aware that I've tried to quit 3 TIMES over the years. But I think I may have arrived at the point in my life that it could be different this time.
And different is good - different is welcome.
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