Privacy?

I haven't felt good for the past few days (geez why do all my entries have to be downers?).

This will be a busy week for me; AEF starts Tuesday. I get to teach high school teachers about "Illustrating with Pen and Ink." I have no idea how many "students" I have - or really what I'm going to do, actually. I guess I'll just improvise like I do - I'm pretty good at that, fortunately. Am I looking forward to it? No. I feel more tired when I think about it.

I saw David drive by the other day, in his yellow Volvo. It's strange - ever since the divorce, I see that same model of car EVERYWHERE. Who knew there were so many people in Savannah who own an 1980s Volvo sedan?? Anyway, he waved at me - I waved back. Champ was in the car with me, and I couldn't help thinking how awkward the situation was. And then it got worse because I fell APART - I always do when I see David, if I see a text message from him, or if I talk to him on the phone. That's why I haven't been back over to his house (weird how it was once our house) in a month, even though there are some pieces of paperwork I need to give him. Maybe I'll mail them instead.
Somehow David found out Champ's nickname - I don't know if he's been reading this journal or if he had an informant; somehow I think the latter is true. David doesn't do MySpace or Facebook or Live Journal; he doesn't have time. He's always been a little snobbish about it, in fact. I doubt he reads any blogs, much less mine. So I'm sure he has a co-worker or employee or friend who is more than happy to inform him of what's going on in my life. Needless to say I fucking flew off the handle - I just keep hearing what he said that fateful night when I initially told him I wanted the divorce: he said, "...I have eyes and ears all over this town and I WILL find out...what you're saying..." (Paraphrase) Well, I don't think I've talked badly about him - at least I haven't meant to - but it is unnerving and more than a little infuriating that he can indeed find out what's going on with me when I would really, REALLY like for him not to unless I'm ready to let him know. He wouldn't tell me the name of his source either - calls it the "Savannah grapevine." I know that these journals are in a public area - I know that if I didn't want people to know what is churning in this addled brain of mine, I wouldn't post on the ever-loving INTERNET. But I've always felt it was still a somewhat private arena because I know David DOESN'T participate in it.

So, that being said, those of you who DO read it and see my profiles on MySpace, LJ, and Facebook and feel inclined to report to David of things that concern me (and, ironically, DON'T concern you).....

Please DON'T.

>:(

On a happier note: Little Ash is doing well, and the dogs are slowly getting used to her. She now has a little collar with a tiny pink bell on it - so now I can hear her scampering around the kitchen.